Travels With Jiraiya
by AspergianStoryteller
Summary: Some of the adventures of Naruto and Jiraiya on their journey.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Travels With Jiraiya.

Author: AspergianStoryteller.

Genre: Adventure/Humour.

Summary: Some of the adventures of Naruto and Jiraiya on their journey. Not always in chronological order and updates will be random. There will be some bits involving ninja training but there will be more focus on fun, funnies and learning life skills. T for swearing, occasional fighting, and brief sexual references because Jiraiya is involved. Don't own Naru. Or the Bum Trilogy.

Chapter 1: Creative Writing 1 Ninja Bum Fighters. (Yes, there may be more chapters like this with different stories.)

_Mikan shivered as Korena's soft hands slid slowly along the inside of her thighs. 'Oh, Korina-Chan, please, more-' she gasped. _

_Korena smirked lustfully and bent down to brush her lips against Mikan's plump ones. _

_'Ohhh, Korina-Chan-' _

'Oi, Pervy-Sage!'

Jiraiya's eye twitched. _Grr, damn brat... _

'Pervy-Sage, it's training time! I've finished my exercises! Teach me a jutsu!'

Naruto bounded into the clearing where Jiraiya was drafting his precious Icha Icha work.

_Why, why do you have to interrupt me so when I'm writing this best selling material? _

'Hey, your eye is twitching again! You should get that checked out Pervy-Sage, eye problems can be really serious. Anyway, I've already done all my exercises and my chores for today, and we're getting close to one of Snake-Bastard's bases so I need to prepared in case we run into trouble-'

_Snap! _

'Oi your pencil snapped Pervy- uh, why are you looking at me like that?'

Jiraiya glared menacingly at his annoying apprentice. 'Listen brat, if you interrupt my writing time one more-'

'What?'

'...Eh heh heh...'

'What are you thinking Pervy-Sage?' Naruto asked nervously. He didn't like the look on the Toad Sage's face one bit.

'Oh, just an appropriate punishment for your constant interruptions.'

'Ah, sorry about that Pervy-Sage! I'll just go and do those exercises again. You know what they say, practise makes perfect!' _Please not the punishment again! Last time was _horrible!

He was stopped by Jiraiya's heavy hand on his shoulder.

'Where do you think you're going, brat?'

XXX xxx XXX

'Paper and pencil? You're making me edit your porn again?'

'It's not porn you immature brat!' Jiraiya scowled. 'I need someone to be my editor and your dismal writing skills need work.'

Naruto scowled back. 'Hmph!'

'Anyway, my latest masterpiece isn't ready for editing yet so I've got something else in mind that will benefit us both. You're going to write your _own_ story.'

'Huh?'

'It'll be good for you to do something creative and it'll keep you out of my hair for while.'

'What do I write about?'

'Anything you want. And if you're looking to write something steamy I'd be happy to give you a few pointers!'

'Ew no!'

'Get to work then brat.' _Anything for some piece and quiet... _

_Okay. What should I write about? Hey, what about awesome ninja adventures! _

XXX xxx XXX

'Crap. Absolute crap.'

'What! I worked hard on that! Believe it!'

'Yeah, I could feel your brain straining all the way over here.'

'Well what's wrong with it?'

'First of all,' Jiraiya pointed at the paper, 'You're grammar has improved, but it's still far from perfect. You need to paragraph your work instead of cramming it all together and indicate when someone is talking.'

'Oh. Alright, what else?'

'This story is totally childish and silly. Come on, "Super Ramen Ninja and his Adventures in Fashion Village?"'

'It's based on a mission I did!'

'Also, "Beware all enemies for Super Ramen Ninja is awesome and powerful! He swooped down and snatched the fair maiden away from the evil ramen thieves. 'Oh Super Ramen Ninja, my hero!"'

'It's a great story!' Naruto protested. 'It's got ramen and ninja in it! You don't know awesomeness when you see it!'

'I've been a best selling writer since before you were born, brat. I know a good story when I read it.'

'Yeah well you're old. I'm still a kid you know. And I'm a ninja. I'm not used to writing this stuff...'

The Toad Sage noticed the disappointed look on Naruto's face and sighed. 'Well, you are just an amateur.'

'Hey!'

'So I guess I gotta help you with this to. Let's start with something really short and basic.'

He pretended to be unfazed by the kid's brilliant, blinding grin.

XXX xxx XXX

_Little Gamachichi laughed. 'You fell for it! I totally caught you in my trap!' _

'Not bad. You've improved.'

'You mean it Pervy-Sage?'

'Sure. You still have loads of room for improvement, but it's better than your first attempt.'

He meant it. Naruto's creative writing was definitely better than that atrocious drabble from two days ago. His contact from this area had yet to arrive so they had nothing better to do than train and write. He'd gotten plenty of his own work done when he wasn't helping his apprentice write. It was very vexing sometimes when Naruto complained or did something sloppy, or yelled "Come and read this, Pervy-Sage!" but surprisingly rewarding seeing him improve and put all of his effort and as much of his little attention span as possible into it. Speaking of which, he should really get him tested for ADHD because could even a jinchuuriki display all those symptoms and be able to blame all of it on their tailed-beast?

'Alright then. Why don't you try something a little more difficult? Write something about ninja and a really weird mission.'

'Okay! You just wait Pervy-Sage, this will be a fantastic story- believe it!'

XXX xxx XXX

*Snore*

Finally.

Jiraiya drew a blanket over Naruto and picked up the pages of writing he'd been working almost non-stop on since yesterday afternoon.

'It's about time brat. Let's see what you've written.'

_XXX xxx XXX _

_Prologue: deep underground, diabolical forces plotted to do something terrible. _

_'Snakey-Bitch-Sama, your fantastic plan has worked!' _

_The villain turned to face his lackey. 'Excellent! Soon, the Land of Orchards will be mine!' _

_'But sir, there's a slight problem!' _

_'What?' he snapped. _

_'The jutsu got us as well!' _

_XXX xxx XXX _

_In the Village of Orange Trees... 'Help us please! It's a disaster!' 'Oh brave ninja, you must do something! We are not strong enough for this foe!' 'We beg of you!' _

_The mission control room was flooded with desperate and freaked out people. And with damn good reason. Everyone's bums had mysteriously disappeared! _

_'Who is behind this crime?' asked the Legendary Late Cyclops Nin. _

_'Bad time for a pun!' Sharp Shooter Chalkman scolded him. _

_'It was that fiend, Snakey-Bitch! We're no match for him!' _

_'Fear not dear villagers, I shall send one of our bestest teams out to fix this!' _

_XXX xxx XXX _

_Three hours later, The LL Cyclops Nin and his team of ninja heroes were on their way to put the bums back where they belonged! Blossom, their witch, had her magic tags ready for action. Running next to her was their team leader and teacher Cyclops Nin. (Sensei to them) Running in front were the boys, Kitten, with his special fire fanning fans and super eyes, and Spiral, the amazing surprise nin with ramen power! _

_Cyclops-Sensei looked down and noticed something strange. A puddle. _How suspicious, _he thought. _A puddle on a lovely sunny day. And it's brown! _'Be on your guard kids, something is about to happen.' _

_And then, something flashed by! It was a rouge bum! No, _two _rouge bums! They rushed at Cyclops-Sensei with their claws and tried to tear him apart! But Cyclops-Sensei hit them away in time. As they came at him again, Kitten blew them away with his fans. _

_'If you use fire on them,' their sensei called, 'don't cause too much damage. These bums belong to someone!' _

_'But Sensei, why are they attacking us?' Blossom asked. _

_'I expect they are just scared from being loose like this, Blossom-Chan. Careful for their stench attacks-' _

_'Ew!' _

_'Blossom-Chan,' Spiral yelled. 'Me and Kitten will hold them off! Will you get a perfume bomb ready?' _

_'Sure I can!' _

_'Okay, let's go Kitten!' _

_The boys leapt into action blowing then rouge bums away with their power. Spiral used his surprise bombs to catch the bums off guard and Kitten swept them up with his fan-powered whirlwinds. _

_'Hiyaa!' Blossom hurled her perfume bombs at the bums and they exploded into pink smoke that smelt like pretty flowers. Cyclops-Sensei finished them off with his secret technique: the dreaded asshole poke, which also works on giant sand monsters if you use a kunai and explosive tag. _

_XXX xxx XXX _

_Later on, the team were attacked again by a bum with water powers! It was more powerful and frightening than the other two. It had huge sharp claws, and a wicked stink. It trapped Cyclops-Sensei in a water ball played with it like a toy. Then it was joined by a small girly bum! With ice powers! Blossom, Kitten and Spiral had to defeat them at water polo to get him back. They dodged flying water dragons and icicles until Cyclops-Sensei was able to zap the bums with his lightning magic. Spiral was about to tie the dangerous foes up with his ramen-like rope (not real ramen of course because the enemy could eat through it) when the bums owners showed up. _

_'Thanks for capturing our bums. We've been chasing them all day,' said the owner of the water bum. He had a sword just like his bums claws. 'Is there any way we can repay you?' asked the girly bum owner. _

_'What dangers lie ahead?' Cyclops-Sensei asked. _

_'Lots of bums,' said Big-Sword, smirking. 'We took out heaps of them in our search. there shouldn't be many left.' _

_The team of Orange Tree ninja-bum-fighters thanked them and carried on their quest. _

XXX xxx XXX

_On the way to Snakey-Bitch's lair of Doom, they encountered bums of all kinds. There was a bum with red tattoos chasing girl-bums, a bum that seemed to have something stuck up it, a cursed bum, a blue bum and a bum wearing a scarf just like Sensei. When they finally arrived, they found the place in chaos. The ninja who were supposed to be guarding the lair were running around looking for their own bums! _

_'Looks like their evil plan backfired on them!' Spiral whispered gleefully. _

_'Okay team, someone cause a distraction and we'll sneak past them,' said Cyclops-Sensei. _

_'I'm on it!' Spiral threw out surprise bomb and ducked behind the wall they were huddling behind together. _

_BOOM! SPLAT! 'Ew!' Toad slime went everywhere! While the Snake nin were complaining about the slimeyness all over them and mess and how they'll have to clean it up, the Orange Tree nin slipped past them, deeper into the lair of Doom. _

_XXX xxx XXX _

_'Eeeya!' _

_'Show yourself, villain!' _

_Team Orange burst into a large dungeon-like room. _

_'Ahh, welcome to lair, little ninja.' Snakey-Bitch stepped out of the shadows. _

_'Snakey-Bitch, you traitorous bastard,' Sensei greeted him. 'What are you up to now? Isn't conducting dangerous make-up experiments on people enough for you?' _

_'Why so rude to your host, Cyclops-Kun? How are my old test subjects anyway?' _

_'Recovering from their skin rashes, no thanks to you.' _

_'Oh, I'm hurt by your words. Not! Attack!' _

_Out of nowhere, two somethings leapt at them. It was mad scientist Beetle and Snakey-Bitch's bum! _

_'Gasp! Don't look at it!' Cyclops-Sensei warned. _

_'Argh!' Too late! Kitten looked into the bum's face and was paralysed. _

_'My first prisoner,' Snakey-Bitch hissed excitedly. 'I can't wait to test out cyanide red lipstick on you!' _

_'Oh no you don't!' Blossom yelled as she jumped into battle with her fists flying. While she engaged the bum in battle, Cyclops-Sensei attacked Snakey-Bitch and Spiral got Kitten moving again and fought Beetle. The battle when on until Spiral latched onto Snakey-Bitch's back and held a bottle over his head. 'Release the jutsu making the bums run rouge or I'll squirt this all over your head!' _

_'You think that'll scare me?' _

_'It's orange hair dye!' _

_Snakey-Bitch went paler. 'You wouldn't.' _

_'I would.' _Why do some people not know how awesome orange is? _Spiral thought sadly. _When I go on my pilgrimage someday, I'll have to spread orange joy along with delicious ramen goodness!

_'You'll get it in your hair as well!' _

_'Yeah but I _like _orange! Now release the jutsu or your hair gets it!' _

_'... Fine! Just please spare my hair!' _

_XXX xxx XXX _

_On their way home, there were signs of rouge bum activity going down. The team were walking back in triumph when a farmer said them in concern, 'Oi, ninja! You with the dark hair!' _

_'Yes?' _

_'Has you not been released from the jutsu?' _

_'Huh?' _

_'That duck's bum on your head. It hasn't gone back to it's owner.' _

_Cyclops-Sensei, Blossom and Spiral fell over laughing while Kitten pouted angrily and the confused farmer wondered what was so funny. _

_'That-that's no duck's bum,' Spiral gasped. 'That's- ha ha ha, that's his natural hairstyle! Wahahahaha!' _

_'Oh. I'm so sorry,' the farmer apologised. _

_'That's okay. But you'd better run 'cause when he's done being mad us for laughing he's gonna be after you!' _

_The poor farmer fled quickly. _

_XXX xxx XXX _

_When the laughter had faded to giggles and they were able to breathe again, the team of ninja heroes went back to their mighty home in victory and had a party with the other ninja to celebrate. _

_The end. (Believe it!) Written by Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage of Konoha and prankster terror! _

XXX xxx XXX

Jiraiya fell to his knees laughing.'Oh my gods!' he gasped. 'This is just too funny! Oh, brat, you continue to astound me.' The sage got his breathing back under control and stood up. 'I think I know just what to do with this. But first, where's my ink to make a copy?'

XXX xxx XXX

'Orochimaru-Sama! Orochimaru-Sama!'

The snake sannin galnced over at his approaching subordinate.

'What?'

'There has been an intruder!'

'Go on.'

'They were here a while ago, no sign of them now. They explored the base and left a a scroll addressed to us all.'

Orochimaru's interest was stirred. The only person who could sneak into one of his secret bases, and who would purposely leave something obvious was his old teammate, Jiraiya. What was that goofy pervert up to?

'Shall I inspect the scroll sir?' asked Kabuto.

'... First of all, you, take a look at this.' _If it contains a trap, it'll be fun to watch him try to fight it off. _

Looking nervous, the Sound nin unrolled the scroll, which did not spring a surprise on him, and began to read.

_Dear Oro-Chan. A young friend of mine has taken up creative writing and I thought you might like to read it. In fact, Kabuto and Sasuke-Kun might enjoy it to. Have fun reading! _

_Yours truly, the almighty Super Pervert, Best-selling Novelist, Toad Sage and Legendary Ninja, Jiraiya. _

The Sound nin's eyebrows rose as he continued to read and he tried not to smile. When Kabuto took the scroll and he was dismissed, it was a great relief. He didn't want to be there when tempers rose.

_This handwriting is unfamiliar, _thought Kabuto, _and yet it feels as though I've read something like this before... Oh. *Snigger.* Oh how insulting, and yet, oh I can't wait to see Sasuke-Kun's face... _

XXX xxx XXX

'Oh my gods, his expression!' Kabuto leaned against his bedroom door laughing. 'That pout! Finally, a reaction I can laugh at!'

XXX xxx XXX

Orochimaru didn't know whether to be cross or amused. That little blond brat had insulted him so insolently! But the look on Sasuke-Kun's face as he read aloud to him! Really, it had been a while since he'd seen something so funny. Although really, make-up experiments? How childish.

XXX xxx XXX

Sasuke pace his room in a huff. That idiot! That annoying, immature, childish dead-last! How dare he write something so humiliating about him! And the pictures! If there was one thing more embarrassing than the story it was the pictures! One of them looked like an imitation of that dreaded photo he was duped into! Admittedly, the dead-last's drawing skills had improved a little, Sasuke's image was actually recognisable, but that wasn't the point! _I'll make him pay. Just you wait Naruto, I'll get you back for this... _

XXX xxx XXX

'Brr.'

'What's the matter brat? You cold?'

'I just felt a chill go down my spine.'

XXX xxx XXX

Well, what do you think? Tell me what you think! Thanks for reading people!

By the way, I wrote most of this on July the 1st, 2010, when the next day will be House Song Day at my school. Go Sheppard House!


	2. April

Title: Travels With Jiraiya.

Author: AspergianStoryteller.

Genre: Adventure/Humor.

Summary: Some of the adventures of Naruto and Jiraiya on their journey. Not always in chronological order and updates will be random. There will be some bits involving ninja training but there will be more focus on fun, funnies and learning life skills. T for swearing, occasional fighting, and brief sexual references because Jiraiya is involved. Don't own Naru.

Chapter 2: April.

'... With a 60 percent decrease in criminal activity-'

*Splutter! Choke! Cough!*

'Toad Man One? Is something wrong?'

Jiraiya, code name Toad Man One, shook his head as he got his breath back. 'I'm fine. Please continue.'

As his informant for this area carried on with his report, Jiraiya couldn't help but glance over at the calendar on the bar wall. _I can't believe it's that time of year! Does he know? _

'And their GNP has increased by 50 percent in just one year...'

_I'd better keep him away from any calendars just in case. And busy. I'll just give him some extra training for a day or two. _

'No signs of that group since your last visit...'

XXX xxx XXX

'Oi, brat!' Jiraiya bellowed striding into his camp site.

'What's up Pervy-Sage?' Naruto bellowed back from up a tree.

'I want you to increase your training output for today!'

'How come Pervy-Sage?'

'You've been slacking off this week!'

'What! I have not!'

'Oh yes you have! You're to do your usual workout increased by- 37 percent-'

'More work _and_ maths! That's cruel!'

'It'll be 38 percent if you don't start now!'

'Alright alright!' The boy dropped out of the tree and proceeded to get started on push ups. 'Damn cruel and perverted old man...'

'Don't complain boy, I thought you enjoyed training your ass off? Don't scowl at me like that. Anyways, I'm going into town for supplies. Maybe if you're good, I'll bring you back some ramen.'

'Alright! Get me two large bowls of miso Pervy-Sage!'

'Not if you keep calling me that. See you later brat!' _Works like a charm. _

'Later!' _I bet he's up to something. I haven't been slacking off, I've actually been working harder this week! I hope I still have enough energy tonight... _

XXX xxx XXX

'Hey brat, I'm back. Brat? Naruto?'

'Zzz.'

'There you are.' Jiraiya found his apprentice laying fast asleep against the tree he'd been up earlier that day. _Good, good. He'll be too exhausted to try anything tonight. I just need to do the same thing tomorrow and I'll be safe for another year. Or until his next creative brainwave. _'Well well, looks like you're to tired to eat. I guess I'll just have to eat all this ramen by mysel-'

'Ramen! Gimmie!' A blur of orange and yellow flashed by Jiraiya and his arms were suddenly two take-out bowls of ramen lighter.

_Whoa. Man, I ought to use this as a training tool for him... _

'Thanks Pervy-Sage! Yum!' _Slurp. Slurp. _

'You're welcome. Hey slow down! You're gonna choke!'

'No way!' _Slurp! _'I mastered the art of fast ramen eating years ago! I'll only choke if something surprises me!' _Slurp! _

'Then at least slow down for the sake of manners! You eat like a pig.'

'Too bad. I'm hungry.' _Swallow. Slurp. _'I used up heaps of energy training so I gotta refill. Mm, this-' _Slurp! _'Isn't as good as Ichiraku's, but it's still really tasty!' _Gulp. _'Is that chilli?'

'... I believe it is. When we're done eating, it's an early night. I've got work to do tomorrow and you've got training. 44 percent increase on the usual.'

'!' _Choke! _

XXX xxx XXX

'Zzz.'

Naruto wondered if Jiraiya was only pretending to sleep. It wouldn't surprise him. The old pervert was suspicious of him after all. _It's time to put my plan into action, and _I _don't even have to get up! Too bad if you wanted to catch me out old man! _Naruto giggled evilly to himself, and Jiraiya felt a shiver run down his spine.

XXX xxx XXX

Under the cover of darkness, a small figure darted through the streets, making its way towards Hokage Mountain.

_Clank! _

_What was that? _A jonin stopped in his tracks and peered around the corner of a building, but found only a bucket tipped over by the wind. _Calm down, there's nothing to be worried about. It's just a bucket. Geeze. _

As the leapt away, the hiding person's shoulders sagged in relief. Being more careful with their own buckets, they came out from behind a a large barrel and crept towards the distant mountain once more. _That was a close one. If I'm gonna pull this off, I'll have to be super careful, otherwise the effort I put into getting this ready all week will be for nothing! _

After one more almost-encounter with a ninja, (a chuunin this time) the sneaker arrived at their destination and started climbing. All the way up the stairs and to the top of the First's Head. It was there that they began to set up. _Hah! I knew I could pull this off in orange! Albeit a darker orange than usual, but it works! _Finally ready to go, the sneak walked over to the edge and went right off it.

XXX xxx XXX

Nearly two hours later, the deed was done, all evidence was stowed away, and the orange-clad sneak had disappeared, sending a weeks worth of shadow clone memories pouring into Naruto's head, where they turned into marvellous dreams.

XXX xxx XXX

'Good morning Hanako-Chan!'

'Hey Suki-Chan. Lovely day.'

_Gasp- _'Oh! Today is-'

'Oh it is, isn't it? It's April. Oh calm down Suki-Chan. It's perfectly safe today. After all, _he_ isn't here, so all you have to worry about is the local brats, and maybe Honourable Grandson.'

Suki sighed in relief. 'Ah yes. I had forgotten that he's away now. I'm just so paranoid of years of that every April, and plenty more in between!'

'Well we can rest easy this y- year... oh my goodness.'

'Hanako-Chan? What's wrong? What are you looking a- '

XXX xxx XXX

'Morning Genma!'

'Oh, heya Raidou.'

'Why are you covered in,' _sniff sniff. _'Is that rotten egg?'

'Unfortunately.' The jonin shrugged. 'The Honourable Grandson got me.'

'Oh yeah. It's that day. Huh, just when we thought we were safe because Naruto-Kun is away with Jiraiya-Sama.'

'I believe the Honourable Grandson has been taking lessons from Naruto-Kun. His friends as well. I'd be wary of every little brat in the the Academy today if I were you.'

'If the little punks try to prank me, I'll teach them what a _real _trap is like. Non-lethal of course.'

'Holy shit! Look at that!'

'Who the hell would- him!'

'It couldn't be! He's far away from here!'

'What's with all the commotion this time of day?' Raidou said. 'Have the kids all been at already?'

'Excuse me mam,' Genma asked a lady passing by. 'Do you know what's gotten everyone all worked up?'

She pointed up. 'Look at Hokage Mountain.'

The jonin turned that way and their jaws dropped.

'Oh dear gods are we never safe? He's done it again!'

XXX xxx XXX

On April the First, Konoha woke up to find that _someone_ had redecorated Hokage Mountain overnight. The First had leaves painted all over his face in green and red fire in his eyes. The Second had blue wave lines, tears, and drool all over him. The Third had a nosebleed, blush, and his favourite copy of Icha Icha (a fact remembered from observation). The Fourth had whiskers, slit eyes, a paw, and kitty ears. Tsunade's head had a drunken flush and Yen signs in her eyes, and the space next to her bore two messages in orange and blue paint. 1: **Space reserved for Uzumaki Naruto. **2: **You thought you were safe from me! Think again! Happy April's Fools' Day! Believe it! **

XXX xxx XXX

Jiraiya was on his toes all day, wondering why the hell Naruto had such a smug look on his face. He wouldn't find out why until the next time he exchanged reports with Konoha.

XXX xxx XXX

Well, what do you think? Tell me what you think! Thanks for reading people!

Who should Naruto prank next April's Fools' Day? I'm thinking of certain people who may wake up to a shocking surprise, but if you have any one you'd like to see pranked, tell me.

House Song Day was fun, but Hillary House won. Oh well, their performance was pretty good.


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